An Ideal World

☆67☆ [Video]

2016-03-05T02:00:28Z

[Well, here's a rare sight these days: a certain lazy mage is actually showing his face on the network. He's sitting in a chair, a tired expression on his features, his arms crossed over his chest...

...and a Clefairy popping up every few seconds, poking him with what appear to be an assortment of evolution stones. Moon is not among them.

He lets this run for about thirty seconds before speaking up.]

All right. Who gave her this idea, and why? Hell, I'd take an answer for what she thinks she's doing.

I'm not even going to ask where she got them - I'm sure that's where Gail and Julia were the other day, taking a trip to Goldenrod on their own. Just... what?

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☆66.5☆ [Fourth Wall]

2015-11-30T04:31:11Z

[So someone has decided to make a fort of blankets and pillows in the corner of the bedroom, and despite a certain Clefairy tugging at his pant leg to try and get him to come out, he's not budging.]

No way, Rose! Every time this happens, I get buried in crap or something else bothersome happens! I'm just gonna wait it out until everything calms down, and nothing annoying's gonna happen.

[Care to glitch into his room and prove him wrong?]

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☆65☆ [Video]

2015-08-04T00:34:08Z

[Well this is quite the frustrated mage, who is just kind of sitting there at his desk with his head in his hands. He rubs his temple, and breathes in once or twice as if to start talking, but lets the air out instead because how do you even phrase this.

It's a full minute of the feed before he actually says anything.]

...Has anybody ever had to deal with a Ditto transforming into you and flirting with a stranger without your knowledge?

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☆64.5☆ [Fourth Wall]

2015-05-30T21:03:49Z

[Another fourth wall, another pile of critters in a field somewhere.

Only this time, instead of Larvestas or Slimes, they're cute little white blobby things. Poyomons, not that anyone would recognize them. Maybe a Pabumon here or there in the pile.

And as usual, Ryner is buried in them, though at least his head's sticking out this time, so he can breathe.]

Great. This again. Of course.

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☆63☆ [Video]

2015-01-18T01:45:53Z

[The scene on the video is a filled bathtub, with a fish swimming around in it. Fairly contently, by the look of it, but given the amount of water that seems to have also made it outside the tub... there may have been a bit of a scuffle.]

...Y'know, it'd have been nice to have had a warning. Even if whoever it was wanted to keep the species secret. I get that. Surprises and stuff. Not something I'd bother with, but if that's your thing, more power to you.

But at least something saying "This egg contains a fish" would've been nice, don't you think? Would mean I would've been able to have some water handy. And I might've been able to plan around who was out where and when.

But then, I guess not everybody has a goddamn homicidal starfish to deal with, huh...

[...yes he hatched it late he's been busy okay he didn't want to be dealing with a baby on top of the business he's been dealing with]

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☆62.5☆ [Fourth Wall]

2014-11-30T21:16:57Z

[So for once, Ryner isn't buried in random crap for a fourth wall. Although to be honest, he'd kind of prefer that. At least that's expected, plus once you get used to the pressure the piles make good blankets.

Nope, this time he's stuck in Pewter's museum, where there's a new exhibit on display.

A certain familiar (to him) mask.

Suffice it to say, Ryner does not look pleased.]

Haaa, I thought Ferris destroyed that...

[His pokemon, also, don't look pleased. Jehra is growling at it like it holds some kind of disaster inside it, and Rose is hissing at it angrily.

Also a certain ghost girl is in the background, staying over next to the wall and trying not to let the others' reactions bother her. Which, of course, Ryner notices, with a chagrined sigh.]

...Guys, this is completely different, okay? It's from back home. Nothing to do with that, so just stop it already.

[[Do watch out - if you put on the mask, you'll see a vision of all your worst fears lumped together. ...What, it's from an interesting side story.]]

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☆61☆ [Video]

2014-09-01T17:17:43Z

[...well, some kind of storm seems to have swept through this inn room. And Ryner looks a bit beaten up even as he sits trying to calm down a couple of those cat things that have been falling from the sky. (They look terrified and quivering, and are kind of clinging to each other. But then, terrified is kind of their default, isn't it...)]

...Okay. Public service announcement time.

[...Ryner sounds like now would be a really good time for a nap in order to get away from a reality that has gone just a little too far this time.]

You know these cat things that're falling from the sky for no reason? Don't touch their ears.

No, seriously, don't.

[If you notice in the background, there's an Absol chastising a grumpy Clefairy, and if you speak Pokemon you might note that the latter is arguing that she didn't think that'd happen, geeze. But surely that's unrelated.]

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☆59☆ [Video]

2014-03-14T20:15:30Z

All right, question.

[Despite how it's mid-afternoon, Ryner is flopped on his bed, hugging a pillow. He does have a notebook in front of him, though, so maybe he hasn't been napping ~~for once~~? The tiny top hat-wearing Joltik on his neck certainly is taking a cute little snooze, though.]

How do you help someone to get over something? I mean, obviously the way I deal with things isn't gonna work for her, otherwise it'd be fine already, but I don't really have any other ideas, and it's been over a year... I just want everybody to move on already. Is that really too much to ask?

[Before he can continue, though, there's the sound of a cat-like creature jumping onto the bed, and an Espeon quietly dropping a note in front of Ryner's head, which he picks up and reads.]

Ahh, Jiru? Wha--oh. Ahh, I guess it is that time of year, isn't it. Nice of her to write a note this time...

[He reaches up to scritch the Espeon, who gives a happy "Eo~on" of approval at the attention.]

Haaa, guess the other part is, I've got eggs for sale. Again. Cleffas and Eevees, by the look of it. Delivery's not a problem, so just give me a couple minutes, I'll write up the egg moves they've got...

[The feed ends here, but a few minutes later a text file is attached with egg moves and prices.

(As of the time of this writing, there are still plenty of Cleffa eggs available if anyone wants them!)]

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☆58☆ [Video] [Backdated to yesterday for weather reasons]

2014-01-28T03:32:44Z

It kind of feels weird that Joltiks can't learn Thunder. I mean, I guess it's probably because they're so tiny? And if he evolved... eh, but if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. Not my place to push him one way or the other.

[Ryner is on one of the sturdier branches of a tree, lazing back against the trunk as though he's considering taking a nap right there (he probably is) and watching his party go about their business down below. It would appear as though five large pieces of paper with X-shaped targets drawn on them have been spaced out over the ground, and five of the six 'mons are eyeing them intently.

The sixth, the Joltik in question (wearing a tiny top hat), is standing on a stump in front of them, and with a "Tik!!" raises one of his front legs.

At that point, there is a loud roar, as all five of the other Pokemon - a Clefairy, an Absol, a Wigglytuff, an Audino, and a Staryu - use Thunder at the same time. All of them strike their targets true, except the Clefairy, who frowns with a pout.]

Not that it's that big of a deal, though. Thunderbolt's better anyway. Sure, Thunder gets you more power, if that's what you're going for, but look at the cost.

["Tik!!" The Joltik raises his leg again, and another roar happens as another round of Thunders go off. This time, only the Clefairy and Staryu hit their targets.]

Seriously, that lack of accuracy is pretty terrible. If it was Izuchi, I'd much rather go for a version that pinpointed exactly where I wanted it to go over power. ...Ahh, well, actually I'd be most likely to go for casting speed, honestly, but that's not really the point, and that doesn't really seem to matter as much for Pokemon anyway...

Besides, if you don't hit the right thing, you could end up causing damage where you don't--

["Tik!!" Once again, the roar and Thunders go off. This time, the only one who misses is the Staryu, whose Thunder hits dangerously close to the tree Ryner's in. Ryner is not amused.]

Hey! Watch where you're aiming that, Arius! Don't make me regret teaching you that as a reward for good behavior already...

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☆57.5☆ [Fourth Wall]

2013-11-26T02:18:12Z

[Somewhere, somehow, there is a pile of slimes. It's a pretty impressive pile, several feet high. Blue blobby things all grinning cheerfully.

Of course, this would be just an amusing, if odd, sight, if it wasn't for the fact that at the bottom of that slime pile, there's a single human arm sticking out... and twitching.

If you listen closely, you might even be able to hear a strained voice from beneath them all...]

...somebody... a little help...

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☆56☆ [Anonymous Text/Action for Ecruteak] - Backdated to the night of the third nightmare

2013-10-21T02:08:21Z

( cut for prose )

[Anonymous Text]

I know what I am. I know I can't change that. But is it wrong to wish that I could? Is it wrong to want something to not go wrong for a change?

[Anyone up in Ecruteak in the wee hours of the night/morning, meanwhile, will find Ryner and Rose on a bench by the pond near the Bell Tower. If you come at around sunrise, they probably fell asleep together on the bench. ...No, not like that, you perverts.]

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☆55☆ [Video]

2013-10-03T03:14:41Z

[Today's video feed is brought to you, for a change of pace, by a Ditto, blobbily flopped on a desk chair. And it seems this Ditto has a question! ...Sure only Pokemon would be able to understand it, but. He does anyway.]

So, everybody asks questions on this network, right? Because I could use a little advice.

[The video feed is then turned toward the bathroom door, where it seems one Ryner Lute is currently being kept quite busy trying to enter while keeping a Clefairy, an Absol, an Espeon, an Umbreon, and a Joltik from coming in with him.]

Ahhh, seriously, what's with you guys today? I'm just going to the bathroom, all right? You don't need to be in there with me for that! In fact, I don't want you guys in there with me for that!

["Fairy clef clefairy!" On the contrary, Rose, for some reason, seems to have decided that her dear partner is not to be left by himself for even a single second all month. And the others seem to be going along with that.

...Okay, well, the Eeveelutions appear to mostly be in it for the attention. But still.]

This really isn't funny! Let me shut the door already!

[The camera turns back to the Ditto, who doesn't look like he quite agrees with the Clefairy's methods.]

How do you get someone to stop holding a grudge? I mean, I don't hold 'em anyway, so I don't know, and this is just getting kind of sad, you know?

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☆54☆ [Video]

2013-09-22T00:58:05Z

You know, I was actually kind of prepared, this time. Dunno whether that says more about me having been here too long so I know their schedule, or about them that they have a schedule in the first place.

[The video today is of a pile of eggs that are all sprawled out blankets and pillows and the like. A Clefairy is off in the background having what appears to be a staring contest with a Ditto, except that instead of just saying things, the Clefairy keeps repeating "fai... fai..." and the Ditto keeps correcting "di... di..." But surely that's not important, since the focus is on the eggs.]

Hell, why September and March, of all months? How regular it is makes you wonder if it's some kind of special reason for it, especially knowing Rose, but there isn't anything I can think of in either month, since that was November...

...Ahh, well, either way. I've got eggs for sale, again. I'll write up a list, and I think I've got the egg moves right, if Rose gave me the right parents anyway... I'll take care of delivery, no problem. Just want to see them get to good homes, y'know?

[Attached is a photo of the list. Shiny chance (which I will draw tomorrow) is not IC knowledge! But egg moves are. Also, there are still tons of eggs left if you want them!]

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☆52☆ [Video]

2013-07-29T03:25:24Z

-mit, I really don't need this today. On top of the worst swarm since Rey's...

[Today, the 'gear is turned on when it accidentally falls out of Ryner's pocket, and the video it's recording is... chaotic.

There are Omanytes and Archens everywhere, with the occasional Omastar or Archeops going past, and an Absol and Clefairy trying to go easy on them but knock them out. Jehra is just using False Swipe on them; Rose is taking this as an opportunity to practice controlling the power of her Doubleslap.

Oh, but the more interesting thing might be the Gyarados roaring in the background - a roar of both pain and fury - as she lashes and snaps at the various fossils that are trying to climb all over her. The water she's splashing around is making quite a mess.]

Fyn, you've gotta calm down! We'll go somewhere else and relax for a while, maybe have something special to celebrate, but you need to calm down!

[But the Gyarados isn't listening, instead continuing to roar and lash her tail at anything in the area, fossil or not. A large rock gets swept up in one of these lashes and flies toward Ryner unexpectedly, but a Mienfoo quickly Low Kicks it into harmless pieces.]

Thanks, Tei. ...Ahh, dammit. Fine, guess I'll have to get up there and calm you down myself, huh. Glen, can I get your help here?

["Tik!" The tiny!spider on Ryner's shoulder is ready and willing to help out with that.

An Omanyte tries to grab hold of the 'gear at this point, but a shiny Togepi notices this and pushes the Omanyte away with Ancientpower before grabbing it and turning it off.]

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☆51☆ [Text/Action for Azalea Town]

2013-06-23T06:22:35Z

( Long prose background time!! :D )

[Text, about half an hour later]

What’s it like to have a family?

[If you want Ryner in person, he’s sitting under a tree in Azalea Town, knees bent partway up so he can lean forward on them, hand massaging his forehead, and generally looking pretty pale. Today has been an odd day, to put it nicely.]

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☆50.5☆

2013-06-01T05:29:31Z

...Oh, come on!

[The video opens up to a shot of the windmill by Professor Elm's lab. A rather serene view, though Ryner himself sounds rather annoyed about it.]

If it was just this weird crap going on again, I could deal with it. But we'd just made it to Goldenrod! Can't this place leave us there for one day? One day!

But no. No, it's obviously way better for us to be sent to the other side of this half of the continent, so we can repeat the same amount of travel all over again. Actually, probably more, even!

[A herd of Sky Forme Shaymin fly past.]

Seriously, this suuuuucks.

[[CAMP! You can come play too if you want!]]

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☆50☆ [Audio]

2013-05-10T05:21:05Z

[Today's brief audio message is brought to you by a 'gear that appears to have accidentally been turned on inside a bag or something. There is the sound of frantic running, and also the sound of lots of flapping of wings and... Zubat cries. At least two dozen of them.

Oh dear.]

Dammit Rose, this is why I told you to leave them alone!

["Clef clefairy!"]

No, you can't just knock them all out with Thunderbolt, and you already know why!

[...well, I wonder what a certain lazy mage is doing in a cave, of all places. And in trouble with a horde of Zubats, by the sound of it.

Then Sion's voice comes up on the recording. This probably doesn't come as much surprise, really.]

Well, we should still do something about this.... Dusk, try to warn them off with Flamethrower!

[and then there is the sound of an Absol breathing fire before the recording ends.]

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☆49☆ [Video]

2013-03-19T04:00:59Z

I swear, they've got a schedule...

[So there's a certain lazy mage awkwardly sitting on a bed, surrounded by a small group of eggs. Four different species, by the look of it.]

Haa, so uh. Rose and the rest made eggs... again. Four Cleffas, an Igglybuff, two Eevees, and a Larvesta. Ah, and they all inherited some moves, if this book is right... I should probably write those down...

Anyway... P1000 should be good, right? And Gail and Lori can do deliveries in Johto anyway... It'd be nice if I could get them good homes, y'know? So, just let me know if you're interested.

[About twenty minutes later because Ryner is a slow typist, a text message follows it up, containing the available species and what moves they'll inherit.]

[[There are still two Cleffas left as of the time of this writing if anyone wants 'em!]]

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☆48☆ [Video]

2013-02-24T02:42:15Z

Haa, this breeding thing is way overcomplicated...

[So a certain lazy mage is currently slumped over a table, leaning on top of an open book as though he's about to go to sleep on it. Which, knowing Ryner, he very well probably could.]

I mean, somehow I get the feeling Rose and the rest are gonna have more eggs next month - that's around the time they always do, for some reason - so I thought I'd actually read up on things this time and see what to expect and maybe point out if there's something I notice, y'know? Though, seriously, whatever they do is up to them, I'm staying out of it.

["Fairy~" From off-camera, a Clefairy sounds pleased with that. (...She also sounds like she has her mouth full, but.) At that, Ryner briefly smiles a tiny bit, but then it's replaced by mild grump again.]

But seriously. The egg groups kind of make sense, I guess, or at least the way they're sorted does, if we're going to assume that giant moles that are on fire and deer that have plants growing out of their antlers being able to mate without someone getting hurt makes sense, anyway. ...and I'm really, really glad that Gyarados aren't in the Field egg group, by the way. I think Ferris would find a way back here just to kill me if they were... well, anyway.

These egg move things, though? How do they even work? I mean, the lists seem really kind of arbitrary, y'know? How is it that Eevee has Wish as an egg move but Deerling doesn't? Why do Igglybuff and Cleffa get Present as an egg move, anyway? How come Snivy only gets Iron Tail through breeding and no other way? You'd think that one would come naturally to them, at least, what with evolving into giant snakes...

["Clef clefairy clef!"]

...Another one already, Rose? Seriously, where do you put it all... But fine, since it's a special occasion and everything.

[He picks up the 'gear, and the moving video briefly shows a shot of... dango boxes? At least five of them, all polished off and with their sticks stripped bare of any treats they previously had on them, as well as a very happy Clefairy sitting on the other side of the table from where Ryner had been seated.

Before he turns the video off, though...]

...Ahh, by the way. The eggs I got at the convention hatched. They're healthy and doing well. They're back at the room with Senna and Jehra right now, but... Well, just figured I'd mention how they're doing, anyway.

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☆45☆ [Video/Action for Azalea]

2012-10-26T02:20:54Z

( Some background prose discussing what led up to this )

[Video, at least a couple hours later]

[Eventually, when Ryner never comes back from a quick routine store run, Rose gets worried, and she, Jehra, and Elfy are of course going to go investigate. They only get more worried when they find his bag and sunglasses abandoned in the middle of the road. (Jehra breaks up a petty argument between a bunch of Duskulls and Shuppets over which group is stronger, but they haven't seen any humans of Ryner's description pass by.)

Jehra is able to pick up his scent, though, and it eventually leads to the house of a minor NPC, which is where Rose turns on the video feed.

"Clefair! Clefairy clef ri Fairy clef clefairy clef!" The video is initially of her, standing in the windowsill, really, really confused. Her dear partner is acting really strangely and she doesn't know what to do about it!

She then turns the camera, to reveal... Is Ryner cooking? He is seriously cooking. And not just microwavable stuff, we're talking actual chef stuff. And tons of it, too. ...Mostly desserts, but still. There are mixing bowls filled with cake batter, cookie sheets lightly covered in shortening, pots and pans of all shapes and sizes, and ingredients of all sorts laid out all over the place. And Ryner is expertly using each and every ingredient without even having to glance at a cookbook. And cheerfully humming while doing so.

What is this.

"Dit?" The sound of Elfy's questioning voice is enough to distract Ryner from his cooking briefly, but, well...]

Oh, aren't you cute! Where did you come from?

[No recognition of his own Pokémon, not to mention how he's using a very uncharacteristic falsetto tone to his voice. And then, when Elfy uses Transform and turns into Ryner right in front of him in order to see how he reacts...]

And so talented, too! Turning into someone who isn't right in front of you like that... Would you like to help me? I'll let you have some of what we make, at the end.

[...aaaaaaaand no recognition of his own self, either. Clearly, there is something very wrong here.

(Spoilers: it's a Yamask.)]

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☆44☆ [Voice/Action for Goldenrod City] Backdated to the 20th

2012-09-25T03:58:45Z

[So today, courtesy of buttons accidentally getting pushed on a 'gear that's buried at the bottom of a bag while pulling out other things in that bag, the audio feed (because even if there was video it wouldn't show anything except black) opens to a young woman bawling her eyes out.]

WAAAAAH!!! You're so... so mean! How could you... f-forcing such a cutie to... to...

[The experienced might recognize this cry as that of Whitney, gym leader of Goldenrod City, and with that knowledge, a lot can probably be gathered of the situation right there.

She is, of course, answered by a certain lazy mage who, despite coming in knowing this would likely happen, is at a loss as to how to fix the situation he's in.]

Seriously, you're assuming something bothersome like that? I never forced her to do anything, she's the one who forced me! And I even got you some things in advance as an apology...

Sniff... You mean... all this for me? ...Dango, too?

...Ahh, well, uh... I just figured, since I didn't know what you liked...

...W-Well... I guess you do have good taste in Pokémon.

...Thanks? I mean, I never really...

And in accessorizing, too! You've got to tell me where you got her that cute little rose clip!

Wait, hang on, now that's important...?

[Of course, it's about here that something else falls exactly into the right place in the bag and shuts off the audio.]

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☆43☆ [Video/Photo]

2012-09-09T00:17:31Z

[VIDEO]

[Today, dear network, the 'gear is turned on not by its lazy mage owner, but instead by his Clefairy.

His Clefairy, who looks incredibly pleased with herself as she peers brightly into the camera.

"Clef clefairy fairy~" Look what everyone did~ It's not very long before she turns the camera toward a pile of eggs.

...A. Large. Pile of eggs. 40 of them... well, 39, discounting the one Eevee egg that's being rolled off and hidden under the bed by a certain Umbreon, but still. Lots of different types, too, by the look of it. o_o

Clearly, two certain someones are going to be thrilled when they get back to see all of this...]

[PHOTO about... half an hour later or so?]

[A bit later, there's a photo of a hand-written sign next to the pile of eggs, because hell if Ryner has the patience to attempt to type it out. At least the handwriting is legible?]

( The sign reads as follows. )

[[corresponding ooc post is here; there are still plenty of eggs available~ Ryner and Sion will both be tagging around.]]

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☆39☆ [Video/Action for Olivine Beach]

2012-06-23T00:08:25Z

Just quit it already!

[Today, courtesy of a certain Munna maneuvering the camera, the 'Gear is tuning in to... a lot of water getting thrown around. Mostly by a rather ticked-off Staryu, attempting to blast a Gyarados that's... kind of just grumpily and sleepily staring at the starfish as though to ask just what its problem is.

Meanwhile, a certain lazy mage is trying to get in the middle of this fight, getting kind of drenched in the process but more focused on stopping the Staryu.]

Seriously, what the hell? He didn't even do anything! If he was swimming in your stretch of water or something, you could've asked him to move, or something less bothersome than outright attacking him!

["Fairy!" Here comes Rose, to defend her dear partner and the Gyarados he's trying to protect.

"Clefairy fairy fair..." ...except she's not really thinking about the situation and this really is going to do more harm than good...]

W-Wait, Rose, don't use...!

["Clefairy!"

Rose used Thunderbolt! The good news is, it one-shots the Staryu!

...The bad news is, it also one-shots the poor Gyarados and leaves Ryner himself in a twitching heap on the beach.]

...why... did I teach... you that...

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☆37☆ [Video/Action for Ilex Forest]

2012-05-11T03:15:22Z

Okay, you know something?

[A certain lazy mage is grumpily sitting up in a tent right now, shivering a little and positively drenched. There's a Clefairy leaning up against his side, wrapped in a towel. The rain batters hard against the outside of the tent, though perhaps not as hard as it could - trees do tend to give a little bit of extra shelter against the wind and rain. Not much, mind, but a little.]

There are Pokémon that can control the weather, right? I'm just thinking, maybe a bunch of them caused this storm because they got so pissed off at all the crap in the cities. It's possible, right? I mean, well, I guess it could just be a coincidence, too, but...

...Haa, well, either way, it's just my luck that we'd get a bothersome storm every time I go through this forest, isn't it. This really sucks.

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☆36☆ [Voice/Action for the Azalea Inn]

2012-04-18T02:19:42Z

Aaaaaahhh, traveling is a pain...

[Oh, it's a certain lazy mage. Not bothering with video today it would seem, but he certainly sounds exhausted enough. Not that tired isn't his default state, but.]

But a change of scenery should be nice. And a nice, warm bed to sleep in for the first time in...

[Pause. Silence for a few seconds.]

...Sion, what the hell is your snake doing on my bed?!? ...And when did he get so big, anyway?

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