tearsofademon | ☆41☆ [Video]

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☆41☆ [Video]

[The 'gear is at an angle this evening - it was obviously turned on on purpose, but it's not recording him head-on, instead from his side, while he's lying down. That doesn't mean you won't be able to make out things like the tiger stripe-like markings on his arms, or the fact that he's wearing sunglasses at night, or the fact that there's a tiny yellow spider cuddling very happily between his neck and shoulder, but.]

So, I'm kind of curious. Anyone got any interesting legends or anything, back where they come from?

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You better not be insulting me!

[Now then, where was he?]

The Dragonfire is a mystical subterranean energy. This energy can only be focused in a number of places and is heavily protected! Legends about it are incredibly rare because its guardians obvioussssly do not want it to fall into the wrong hands.

[He snickers here. Guess who would qualify as "the wrong hands?"]

Of course finding the Dragonfire isn't the hard part. Using it requires an ancient chant, known only to its guardians and the proper conductors to channel it. So once I learned of one of its sssacred locations, I had an Alley Viper pose as a monk and record the chant! Cobra took the monastery and turned the Dragonfire into a weapon of mass destruction!

[He is so proud of this.]

Of course you'd do something like that with it.

That's right! Of course I would! And you'd do well to remember that!

...What about the Conch of the Sirens, then?

In my world, there's an ancient ssstory called the Odyssey. At one point, the hero's ship sails by a place inhabited by creatures called ssssirens. The sirens possessed a golden shell that when blown into produces a ssssong! And any man who hears that song would be compelled to crash their ship into the nearby rocks!

I, like many people, assumed this to be complete fiction, and never bothered looking for such an item! But my right hand man, Destro, was able to talk me into searching the Adriatic Sea for relics, and managed to actually find the thing after wasting ridiculous amounts of money! Money that was definitely not worth sssspending on such a horrible item!

Ah, it's part of a larger tale, then? That'd probably be worth looking into, too.

No! It's not worth looking into! The conch was destroyed so no one can ever use it again! And good riddance to it!

Ah, I meant the rest of the legend you mentioned it's from, actually. There's got to be more to it than just that, if it's about a hero's travels, right?

There is more to it! The sssirens are only a small part of the Odyssey.

What was the Odyssey's hero looking for in his travels, then, I guess I'll ask?

He was trying to get home, and certain beings made it exceedingly difficult for him to do so!

Well that sucks, if he was just trying to get home. What did those certain beings have against him, anyway?

Because he was a patriotic moron who mouthed off to the wrong person at the wrong time! Also, because he didn't show proper respect to his betters! That's why!

[Or at least that's the version Cobra's telling because when has he ever bothered to let something like context get in the way of his opinion?]

I dunno, he has to have had a good reason to do that, if that's the reason.

Good reason? No! He was an idiot! All heroes are!

Still, seems kinda harsh if all he did was mouth off to someone.

Ah, but you sssee, that was the point. A harsh punishment often encourages the offender to not make the same mistake again!

Trust me, it doesn't work. All it does is cause more of a pain for everyone involved than anything.

And how would you know? Are you the one explaining the ssstory?

Let's just say I've had some experience.

...Though, I guess it could be different for other people...

Of course it's different for ssssome people! Some people actually learn their lesson!

[Obviously not him. In fact, Cobra has no idea who he's talking about here.]

So, what other kinds of things did this hero run into, anyway?

There was a cyclops. And sssome other things. To tell you the truth, I don't really remember most of the story!

Ahh, you don't?

[He's legitimately disappointed.]

No, I don't! Once I got through the part that pertained to the Conch, I ssstopped paying attention to it!