An Ideal World

[Well, here's a rare sight these days: a certain lazy mage is actually showing his face on the network. He's sitting in a chair, a tired expression on his features, his arms crossed over his chest...

...and a Clefairy popping up every few seconds, poking him with what appear to be an assortment of evolution stones. Moon is not among them.

He lets this run for about thirty seconds before speaking up.]

All right. Who gave her this idea, and why? Hell, I'd take an answer for what she thinks she's doing.

I'm not even going to ask where she got them - I'm sure that's where Gail and Julia were the other day, taking a trip to Goldenrod on their own. Just... what?

[Well this is quite the frustrated mage, who is just kind of sitting there at his desk with his head in his hands. He rubs his temple, and breathes in once or twice as if to start talking, but lets the air out instead because how do you even phrase this.

It's a full minute of the feed before he actually says anything.]

...Has anybody ever had to deal with a Ditto transforming into you and flirting with a stranger without your knowledge?

[The scene on the video is a filled bathtub, with a fish swimming around in it. Fairly contently, by the look of it, but given the amount of water that seems to have also made it outside the tub... there may have been a bit of a scuffle.]

...Y'know, it'd have been nice to have had a warning. Even if whoever it was wanted to keep the species secret. I get that. Surprises and stuff. Not something I'd bother with, but if that's your thing, more power to you.

But at least something saying "This egg contains a fish" would've been nice, don't you think? Would mean I would've been able to have some water handy. And I might've been able to plan around who was out where and when.

But then, I guess not everybody has a goddamn homicidal starfish to deal with, huh...

[...yes he hatched it late he's been busy okay he didn't want to be dealing with a baby on top of the business he's been dealing with]

[...well, some kind of storm seems to have swept through this inn room. And Ryner looks a bit beaten up even as he sits trying to calm down a couple of those cat things that have been falling from the sky. (They look terrified and quivering, and are kind of clinging to each other. But then, terrified is kind of their default, isn't it...)]

...Okay. Public service announcement time.

[...Ryner sounds like now would be a really good time for a nap in order to get away from a reality that has gone just a little too far this time.]

You know these cat things that're falling from the sky for no reason? Don't touch their ears.

No, seriously, don't.

[If you notice in the background, there's an Absol chastising a grumpy Clefairy, and if you speak Pokemon you might note that the latter is arguing that she didn't think that'd happen, geeze. But surely that's unrelated.]

It kind of feels weird that Joltiks can't learn Thunder. I mean, I guess it's probably because they're so tiny? And if he evolved... eh, but if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. Not my place to push him one way or the other.

[Ryner is on one of the sturdier branches of a tree, lazing back against the trunk as though he's considering taking a nap right there (he probably is) and watching his party go about their business down below. It would appear as though five large pieces of paper with X-shaped targets drawn on them have been spaced out over the ground, and five of the six 'mons are eyeing them intently.

The sixth, the Joltik in question (wearing a tiny top hat), is standing on a stump in front of them, and with a "Tik!!" raises one of his front legs.

At that point, there is a loud roar, as all five of the other Pokemon - a Clefairy, an Absol, a Wigglytuff, an Audino, and a Staryu - use Thunder at the same time. All of them strike their targets true, except the Clefairy, who frowns with a pout.]

Not that it's that big of a deal, though. Thunderbolt's better anyway. Sure, Thunder gets you more power, if that's what you're going for, but look at the cost.

["Tik!!" The Joltik raises his leg again, and another roar happens as another round of Thunders go off. This time, only the Clefairy and Staryu hit their targets.]

Seriously, that lack of accuracy is pretty terrible. If it was Izuchi, I'd much rather go for a version that pinpointed exactly where I wanted it to go over power. ...Ahh, well, actually I'd be most likely to go for casting speed, honestly, but that's not really the point, and that doesn't really seem to matter as much for Pokemon anyway...

Besides, if you don't hit the right thing, you could end up causing damage where you don't--

["Tik!!" Once again, the roar and Thunders go off. This time, the only one who misses is the Staryu, whose Thunder hits dangerously close to the tree Ryner's in. Ryner is not amused.]

Hey! Watch where you're aiming that, Arius! Don't make me regret teaching you that as a reward for good behavior already...

You know, I was actually kind of prepared, this time. Dunno whether that says more about me having been here too long so I know their schedule, or about them that they have a schedule in the first place.

[The video today is of a pile of eggs that are all sprawled out blankets and pillows and the like. A Clefairy is off in the background having what appears to be a staring contest with a Ditto, except that instead of just saying things, the Clefairy keeps repeating "fai... fai..." and the Ditto keeps correcting "di... di..." But surely that's not important, since the focus is on the eggs.]

Hell, why September and March, of all months? How regular it is makes you wonder if it's some kind of special reason for it, especially knowing Rose, but there isn't anything I can think of in either month, since that was November...

...Ahh, well, either way. I've got eggs for sale, again. I'll write up a list, and I think I've got the egg moves right, if Rose gave me the right parents anyway... I'll take care of delivery, no problem. Just want to see them get to good homes, y'know?

[Attached is a photo of the list. Shiny chance (which I will draw tomorrow) is not IC knowledge! But egg moves are. Also, there are still tons of eggs left if you want them!]

[Today's brief audio message is brought to you by a 'gear that appears to have accidentally been turned on inside a bag or something. There is the sound of frantic running, and also the sound of lots of flapping of wings and... Zubat cries. At least two dozen of them.

Oh dear.]

Dammit Rose, this is why I told you to leave them alone!

["Clef clefairy!"]

No, you can't just knock them all out with Thunderbolt, and you already know why!

[...well, I wonder what a certain lazy mage is doing in a cave, of all places. And in trouble with a horde of Zubats, by the sound of it.

Then Sion's voice comes up on the recording. This probably doesn't come as much surprise, really.]

Well, we should still do something about this.... Dusk, try to warn them off with Flamethrower!

[and then there is the sound of an Absol breathing fire before the recording ends.]

Haa, this breeding thing is way overcomplicated...

[So a certain lazy mage is currently slumped over a table, leaning on top of an open book as though he's about to go to sleep on it. Which, knowing Ryner, he very well probably could.]

I mean, somehow I get the feeling Rose and the rest are gonna have more eggs next month - that's around the time they always do, for some reason - so I thought I'd actually read up on things this time and see what to expect and maybe point out if there's something I notice, y'know? Though, seriously, whatever they do is up to them, I'm staying out of it.

["Fairy~" From off-camera, a Clefairy sounds pleased with that. (...She also sounds like she has her mouth full, but.) At that, Ryner briefly smiles a tiny bit, but then it's replaced by mild grump again.]

But seriously. The egg groups kind of make sense, I guess, or at least the way they're sorted does, if we're going to assume that giant moles that are on fire and deer that have plants growing out of their antlers being able to mate without someone getting hurt makes sense, anyway. ...and I'm really, really glad that Gyarados aren't in the Field egg group, by the way. I think Ferris would find a way back here just to kill me if they were... well, anyway.

These egg move things, though? How do they even work? I mean, the lists seem really kind of arbitrary, y'know? How is it that Eevee has Wish as an egg move but Deerling doesn't? Why do Igglybuff and Cleffa get Present as an egg move, anyway? How come Snivy only gets Iron Tail through breeding and no other way? You'd think that one would come naturally to them, at least, what with evolving into giant snakes...

["Clef clefairy clef!"]

...Another one already, Rose? Seriously, where do you put it all... But fine, since it's a special occasion and everything.

[He picks up the 'gear, and the moving video briefly shows a shot of... dango boxes? At least five of them, all polished off and with their sticks stripped bare of any treats they previously had on them, as well as a very happy Clefairy sitting on the other side of the table from where Ryner had been seated.

Before he turns the video off, though...]

...Ahh, by the way. The eggs I got at the convention hatched. They're healthy and doing well. They're back at the room with Senna and Jehra right now, but... Well, just figured I'd mention how they're doing, anyway.